Are you a doubting Christian? As I have seen God work and Bless so many – why others who are also dutiful in their Christianity seem to miss the blessings. The Devil lives with us; Each and every living being on this Planet is subjected to his relentless lies and deceit. Sometimes no matter your level of faith – You are tested! Tested simply to see your reaction. God wants you to be Greater at life, at love, at conviction, but to be Greater we have to Lose. Lose our selfishness, lose our pride, comparison and often this will be a loss of things or people we love. God’s mission is to teach you how to be Greater than All our insecurities. God wants us to dream Big! Yet, He also knows to reach greatness, we must start small. Each small thing you feel is insignificant is a stepping-stone to something bigger. God can’t trust a doubting Christian with Big Dreams or possibilities for it will hinder the Greater outcome. Sometimes God will offer you the ‘greater’ version, but it will require full submission and surrender. And we know this is harder for a doubting Christian. Most often because it requires Great sacrifice to follow Gods will completely and that can be scary, even for the devout. We must All remember God will never ask you to do anything that He has not already equipped you for- even if the task feels overwhelming. However, this is when you have to remove the doubt and fully surrender your dreams, your desires, your hurt (past or present) to a God who knows how to Bless you Greater than you could have dreamed.
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Righteous Submission
If we are going to obey God… we have to overcome the opinions of people around us and dedicate ourselves to being consistently righteous. This means you’ll have to learn to submit. Submit yourself to God in order to discover who you are and what your purpose is. Do not fear the disapproval of others. Ultimately there are two choices – Please God or Please People! For instance, some think, we should be attending church because we need God to help us! Or for an example, We need healing; so we better not gossip for it is unrighteous. It is amazing how ‘holy’ we can act when we need a breakthrough, but the consistently righteous person tries to do what is right All the time – not just when things look bleak or they are in need of something. Submission to our living God is a decision, but to submit is a condition of the heart!
Your relationship with God must always have a top priority above all things in your life. Praise and worship do Not come naturally to the flesh – it is something we must Will ourselves to Do. The consistently righteous person regularly does what is right because it is Right. God honors this because it reflects a heart of humility and a desire to obey God and God Loves that! A righteous person knows to balance their prayers of asking with prayers of praise and thanksgiving. Jesus makes us righteous – so that we can approach God with Boldness and confidence when we pray. We should surrender our desires to God and allow the Holy Spirit to lead us as we make requests in prayer.
Broken
Sometimes God has to break us. Break us from old or unhealthy habits, break relationships and friendships, break connections we thought were inseverable or break our stubbornness (often with pain -physical or emotional.) He does not break us to hurt us, but to grow our character. I have always been a do-er, a fixer if you will! I see an issue and I just jump right in – often headfirst! No looking before I leap – no time to reflect; I just dig my heels in and Do! Do whatever it takes- push my feelings and thoughts aside – there’s work to be done! Busyness is who I am or who I was. I wore it like a badge; it felt good to know my friends and family knew I was a motivator. I was often called on to help out with whatever task needed to be done. They knew when I showed up the task would be accomplished no matter what!
I thought I would take time and slow down after my sister’s cancer battle – That was the plan! Only I discovered slowing down was not an option for me – I didn’t know how. God chose to show me how and certainly Not the way I would have liked. He broke me! My ability to do has come to a halt, which is very uncharacteristic of me. I was still trying to fill the voids with busyness even after I promised God and myself that I would slow down. I remember my sister saying once that if I didn’t have chronic back pain, I’d probably be unstoppable. I told her then, I knew it was something God used to keep me humble. Little did I know at the time that 20-year pain was only a precursor of the main event.
Going through some old writings I found a personal journal entry from February 2022. A month after my sister’s oncologist said, ‘we’ve ran the race as best we could – there is nothing more I can do.’ Also, turns out it was 5 months before God healed her and 7 months before my ‘incident’ that has seemingly taken me out the rat race. I felt broken at the time, but that was emotional – something I’ve mastered at putting in a box to continue my busyness. Over the last two years, God has chosen to slowly Break me Physically! This is something I don’t know how to commandeer, but I have learned more about resilience than I ever dreamed. However, I’m discovering God is using this physical brokenness to heal the emotional brokenness I’ve fought my whole life. God doesn’t break us to hurt us, but to Heal us!
Anger
Anger is one of the most common and destructive emotions known to mankind. Galatians 5:20-21 ‘lists hatred, strife, and wrath in the same category as murderers and drunkeness…..’ Anger takes many forms. Most do not regard themselves as angry because they don’t understand the many disguises anger takes. (Spirit Controlled Temperment by Tim LaHaye)
Sixteen Variations of Anger (also from same book)
- Bitterness 9. Wrath
- Malice 10. Hatred
- Clamor 11. Seditious
- Envy 12. Jealousy
- Resentment 13. Attack
- Intolerance 14. Gossip
- Citicism 15. Sarcasm
- Revenge 16. Unforgiveness
Which of these is your ‘go to’? Mine is sarcasm – didn’t realize that until I read this book. We all have things we need to learn about ourselves. The sooner we notice how we each receive and handle each emotion we are presented with, the easier it may be to open that door! Refer back to ‘Open the Door‘ posted in May of 2022
At times anxiety expresses itself in fear or anger. ‘A tense anxious person is much more likely to become irritated and angry.’ What we place in our minds is a product of our desired outcome. These emotions can take you outside the Will of God. The mind only gets the information that it is given. So, whatever you choose to put at the forefront of your brain – is all you will think about. Are you choosing actions that reflect you are seeking salvation through studies and prayer or are you choosing to focus on the things of this world? Our emotions Can and Will carry you outside of God’s Will, if you don’t learn to recognize it and rectify it. Scripture says, ‘an angry man is a fool.’ Ecclesiastes 7:9
The Power of Giving
God calls us to ‘not withhold good.’ Proverbs 3:27 When God blesses you – not only should you give thanks, but you should also use that blessing to be a blessing to others. Sometimes we need to ask God to open our eyes; so we can be honest with ourselves and to others. The Holy Spirit will Always Do Good! When we are filled with the spirit we seek out ways to humbly serve God. It is within you to Give, but this is to be done by choice. The Free will we all live by allows us the option to give or not to give. To do what is right and good. We can All give something – Share your time, your energy, your money, your prayers and share your heart! The best test of your capabilities is to take something from your home (not something you’ve tucked away and forgotten about), this means you have to make a conscience effort to choose something that you like, you use – you enjoy. What can you part with that still has meaning to you? Take this item and put it in the car – ride it around with you until the opportunity arises for you to make a choice as to whether you will really give it away.
God enjoys testing our character. He loves to see us Choose HIM. He truly tested me last month as he told me to give My Bible away! Now, this Bible has been the same bible that helped save my life. I was sentimental about it and when He first suggested it, I hesitated and said Um, No! In my heart I was not sure I could part with it, but He doubled down and did not suggest again. He said, ‘as an act of obedience I didn’t ask you, I told you!’ I was hopefully (understandably) a little hurt (that He would take this treasure from me.) Well, I went yesterday to buy myself a new bible. Personally, my favorite go to version is the NLT – New Living Translation. It takes the other versions and puts them into words we most understand. I have taken time to check this I promise. So let me share for just a moment the very first thing I read as I open ‘My New Bible’
Beloved Daughter, you are precious to Me. I long to give you the desires of your heart, but I don’t want any of the blessings I give you to draw you away from Me….. All the gifts that I give to you come with a beautiful purpose. ….this is from Thrive Devotional Bible Day 58 ; Author Shari Rose Shepard
I may have never seen this passage written directly to my heart from God through someone like me. I love his confirmations of promises he’s given. What a blessing her writings are, in the pages, placed exactly where one might seek a better understanding of a certain passage. How grateful I am to have given my bible to someone God chose, which allowed me to step into yet another one of His beautiful blessings upon my life.
Open Your Eyes
Let’s start this one regarding prophecy – written in the Good Book Ezekiel talked of a Russian and Islamic coalition. They would come together to orchestrate an invasion. Have you seen the signs? Do you know what this means? Do you wonder why? Radical Islam has a deep hatred that dates all the way back to Isaac and Jacob. For Russia it’s about Control; their desire to cast a stronghold on the entire World.
As the world’s consumption of natural resources increases the sanctions will become clear. God uses Ezekiel to illustrate. (Ezekiel 38:4) ‘The Lord will put hooks in your jaws to lead you out.’ If you analyze this with todays’ signs – We as a nation (or people) can and will be controlled by whatever our needs are! So, with hooks, we are snared and pulled in the direction to fulfill our needs. What so many are missing is that God can provide and fulfill All of our needs. As we study prophecy and spend our time devoted to allowing God to direct our steps – We know these are the birth pains Jesus speaks of. We see what others are blind to. The plan, the future, the Words of God will play out exactly as it is illustrated to us in the Bible. If you cannot see or do not understand what you are seeing – I urge you to educate yourself! Open your eyes and Your Heart! If you have not considered the ‘environment’ to be a factor in the End Times – know that everything you See happening today was the picture the prophets told us centuries ago. Be Still and Know!
Depression
Honestly, I’ve never been one to ‘feel’ depressed or even had a real understanding. Looking back over my life I can now see many times where depression set in without me even realizing it. Lately I’ve come to realize that depression looms just below the surface. Having so many mental anomalies it’s hard for me to pinpoint which one is holding strongest. The last few months have taken a very stressful toll on my body and mind. I know I’ve spoken about pain in previous posts, but nothing prepared me for the physical and psychological pain that would overtake my life. I typically keep most personal information private, but God has asked me to share this, so you’ll understand – ‘I’m Not Special.’ I’m not divinely protected because of my unwavering faith or dedication to the ‘Living God.’ I outlined some in ‘Suffering’ but now let me make it real. I have been suffering from a ‘bad back’ since I gave birth 23 years ago. I herniated a disc back in 2002 – I could not walk, sit, stand or do pretty much anything for myself for almost two weeks. With no insurance back then – I opted for a chiropractor instead of an ER. I swear by chiropractic care, but for as long as I have been suffering maybe an ER would have had a different outcome. Too late now! Fast forward to 2022 (20 years later almost to the day) I was laid up again with another herniated disc in the same location. This time, however, I have insurance; so off to the ER we go. I was hoping for a miracle cure, but we got sent home with pain meds and orders to take it easy for a few months. Come to find out through 20 years of back pain and chronic pain management there is no surgery that can fix ‘muscle spasms that wreck the nerves.’
So, I have been on a downward spiral since the end of 2022. This continued through all of 2023 when the shots stopped working and then the high doses of pain meds started affecting my cognitive abilities. So into 2024, I became a medical anonomly. The doctors didn’t know what to do the pain had gotten so bad, that my entire body started fighting me. My blood pressure was staying at ‘stroke’ level no matter what meds were prescribed. My PCOS was overreacting and the PVCs in my heart could no longer be controlled by my beta blocker – my hormone levels were out of control and I was in a constant state of pain. Thank God for great benefits at my job. I was working under FMLA to maintain the days I could show up, but then came time for me to request Short Term Disabiltiy because the thought of this becoming permanent was becoming a real possibility.
So my doctors and I took the time to explore every single option available to try and get some relief. We were able to find the right meds to control the symptoms caused by the pain but getting that under control is still a work in progress. Unfortunately, when the spine center found a surgery that would work my insurance will not cover it, as it is NOT FDA approved. Being given this information we went back to the trial-and-error methods. Of course, this made me sad. I was now spending most of my days in bed or the recliner barely able to move. If you know back pain- you understand, if you don’t let me tell you your spine controls almost all of your movements. Let me sum this up – my heart arrythmias make me feel like I ran 10 miles just walking to the bathroom, my PCOS is menstrual cramps x10 in the front part of your body where the low back is. Now if there is a cyst on the ovary multiply menstrual cramps x1000. Understand this pain is not regulated to ‘that week.’ Now add a herniated disc in the low back – I have felt pain on a level so high its hard for people to understand. We are now onto the Long Term Disability and the ADA has had to be added to my claim.
Depression has set in, but I refuse to allow it to consume me. There are more days than not that I have been stuck in a blank stare. I have tried to stay positive through all of this. I have even negotiated with God that I was ok being paralyzed if it would stop the pain. He gave me neither. With few options, I did have a back surgery in hopes it would help. I was told it would not remove the pain but maybe make it less. Post op 4-5 weeks now – I’m still having the same pain!
I write all of this to tell you I’m not mad at God and being in a state of depression is Not an excuse for me to be. Life rarely goes as planned and bad things happen that are out of our control. I choose to focus on the positives – God has blessed me in so many ways. I use the scriptures to continue to give me strength when I have none left. Just like I said before Pain is just a place, we visit from time to time. Depression is an emotion that can be overcome with time and sometimes that ‘time frame’ is longer than we wish. Know that God did not forget you, just like He has not forgotten me! I don’t know why I am going through this or why bad things happen. It’s not fair, it’s not ok, but That my friends is OK! God has a plan, and it will all be revealed one day – just Stay Strong and Carry On!
Hearing God Speak
You shall hear his words even when you don’t see his face. If you search for Him with all your heart and soul – You will find Him!
Agreeing with God about Sin is the first step in the channel of communication between God, the Holy Spirit and oneself. You must confess your sin; acknowledge you are a sinner and fall short of the glory of God! Accept the Forgiveness God offers through confession. Step two is a bit harder. This calls for us to set ourselves apart to be holy. Once the sin is confessed and forgiveness accepted – One must learn God’s decrees (laws) and put them into practice (obeying all His commands.) This part can be hard for some, seem impossible to others and even easy for some. However, this brings forth a question – Am I doing this with/for my own free will or is it divine intervention? The answer is Both! You need both of these to work together to complete step two. Despite our best efforts, we will never make ourselves holy – Only God can offer that. The apostle Paul teaches in Romans (8:13) that ‘For if you live according to the flesh, you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body – You will live!’ So, with your cooperation and the grace of Gods divine intervention – You are on track to hear God’s voice. The still small voice in your ear or the quiet whisper in the air. Learning to live out Gods truth rather than your own is Step 3. Once you’ve been set free from sin the remaining work is to continually remain in that truth. When temptation arises you have to stop and ask yourself – is this God’s will or a temptation of the flesh? We all are weak and are destined to fall, but consciously knowing these are decisions that can keep you from hearing God’s voice by being baptized of the Spirit- you must ask yourself if the temptation is worth it?! That is for you to decide.
Steps 4 and 5 are entirely up to you. You choose the path, and God stays with you as long as you let him. Step four is recognizing these fleshly desires and understanding these natural cravings are all a part of our sinful nature. You have the option to live according to the flesh or choosing to set aside those earthly desires to better align your conscious with the Will of God. The final step or obstacle as it may seem is to overcome those physical desires. In stepping away from them or not giving in – You can enjoy the deep sense of peace and satisfaction that Only God can provide. This can only be achieved by accepting who we are is whom God created us to be. Philippians 4:11-13 Teaches us to learn how to be content with our circumstances and understand we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. I hope and pray that every reader here, sets aside their earthly desires so that the Holy Spirit will come to reside in your heart, and you too will Hear God Speak.
Spiritual Warfare
Spiritual warfare is Real!
God’s word tells us that Satan is a fallen Angel. (Isiah 14:12) The word traces his presence in our world from Genesis to Revelation. Ephesians 6:12 says ‘For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, instead we fight against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world and against evil spirits in heavenly places.’ Satan uses people to do his dirty work. Even as Christians we fight against evil thoughts or actions. We fall sometimes, but as long as your heart and mind stay fixed on God – you can let go of the anxiety and worry that grips your soul. If you can truly claim to be a born-again Christian, you have an easier time accepting all that is – All that is happening in the World today. You can watch your children go out into the world with confidence knowing that God already laid out All our futures – If you can truly claim “Not my Will, Lord, but thy Will be Done!” Your heart and mind will be content.
Suffering
The Israelites were a free people until one day God decided to choose a future king before the other kings of the land chose one for themselves. At this time, it was in the beginning. The Book of Genesis (the first book of the Torah, then of the Bible). God began to send prophecies through dreams. Joseph, son of Jacob, was one of the first to ever receive these and he was hated and ridiculed for speaking them out loud. Soon after he revealed his dreams to his brothers – they plotted to kill him; as they did not want to be bowing to their brother. You know the story – he was thrown into a pit and then sold into slavery.
Suffering, from the beginning of time, has always been at the heart of God’s story. Suffering is character building. I’ve been suffering for years now, and I know God chooses to use it, to create in us, the heart that is Needed to be a follower of Christ. He doesn’t always send sunshine and rainbows because that’s Not how life is- with or without HIM! When you are facing that mountain – climbing it is a challenge. Sometimes it feels too hard, too tall, too ridged or too steep! Know this is when most often we seek help – guidance – rescue! We seek God in our darkest moments, when we feel most alone, scared or lost! That’s when God will send out His Army, His soldiers – spiritual or real. But most often this is where you find God, because most often this is when you seek HIM! God is Always there, even in the good times, but that’s not typically when people look for HIM. When life is going well, often He becomes forgotten or placed in the back of the mind- because we don’t feel as though we Need Him. Understand though that is not true – You need God in both good times and bad. Seek HIM in ALL things and give thanks to Him in your joyful seasons.