Blog

So this post is going to be a little different. It’s about me and my struggles – even with my Firm belief in Faith and Gods unfailing Love. It’s about the struggles we face in the Flesh! It doesn’t matter how strong my faith or my belief is in knowing that God is in Control – ALL of the time! My flesh still hurts and longs for things that I have NO control over. Things I can’t pray into existence no matter how true or deep my relationship with the Lord is. These things He keeps reminding me are HIS – Not Mine! I don’t like to share my personal business because I know and feel the judgments that stem from that. How the stigma that surrounds mental illness is misconstrued as intolerance or weakness. Well those that know me – Know that weakness is Not in my vocabulary! Mental illness reeks havoc on the mind. Addiction is a by product of so many suffering from a mental illness or abuse that may or may not have caused said mental illness. I’m personally dealing with things I have shared; my daughter graduating and being an adult, the abuse or hurt suffered as a child. What I’ve neglected to say is how much this has caused me to struggle this past year. How the addiction has tried to rear its ugly head to tell me – you know how to suppress the pain. Though I’ve finally reached a point in my life – I don’t want to go back there! I take medication daily and have for years to control certain aspects of my illness. Though right now with everything I’m dealing with – it never seems to be enough. So the question comes, take more? Add a drink? Take both or seek the real relief? No, No, No! I will Not give in – I worked too hard, too long and suffered too much! I will get through this. Then BAM – another setback. I’ve hidden this part of me from just about everyone – my relationship with my mother. She’s a good person and would give the shirt off her back to anyone in need, but she has no clue how to be a mom. I can’t express to you how much that hurts; how my heart aches for a true relationship with her. I spent my teenage years taking care of her, physically, mentally and emotionally. I lost myself during that time. I ran after high school – trying to find- ME! My family thought my goal was selfish because none of them knew the truth! Sadly to say – I Never found ME, but I found something greater than ME – GOD! The flesh is weak, only in the Spirit will You find peace and even then, the flesh is a weakness that will always have a stronghold here on earth! Don’t give in and Never Give Up!

The Lord calls out – I will fight this battle for my people. As you return to work – Do Not let Down Your Guard! The enemy is still lurking – the virus – is still out there. We shall build a wall around our faith, but not lose sight. Carry your (weapons) figuratively (in this battle – it is diligence, brains and protective gear) Not guns or swords. Read Nehemiah 4 and interpret for yourself. Be diligent, steadfast and faithful. Those of us that heed the warnings and follow the Word with prayer and thanksgiving will come out on the other side. That doesn’t mean we aren’t going to be exposed or weak in our own vulnerabilities. It just means – You will get through this with perseverance! Daniel 12:10 states Many will be purified, cleansed and refined by these trials. But the wicked will continue in their wickedness – none of them will understand. Only those who are wise will know what it means. The Lord will restore His people. Household Gods give false advice, fortune tellers predict only lies, and interpreters of dreams pronounce comfortless falsehoods. So many people wander like lost sheep without a shepherd to protect and guide them. The Lord’s anger burns against your shepherds, the leaders will be punished. The Lord Almighty has arrived to look after His flock!

Whenever we pray we should do it with intention. The word prayer is so loosely thrown around – often I wonder – do people even know how to pray? Prayer can be as simple as a conversation with God. I think prayer should include grace and thanks, but mostly prayer is talked about when people want or need something. Today everyone is talking about prayer and praying for better days ahead. I want to talk about Dedicated Prayer, which is prayer with intention. We can pray for grace, acceptance, guidance or resolve. What we need to do is specifically know what the desire is and ask! Ask with dedication to specifics. We can ask God for general things and you will receive general answers. I was talking to my husband last night and with our senior (Class of 2020) facing unprecedented obstacles with her medical issues, this virus, graduation, and college – He mentioned he constantly prays for guidance, but feels he’s not getting a response. With this lack of response, he carries frustration and anger. I reminded him right now all of these things are out of our control And God doesn’t know how to answer that for you. Maybe instead of praying for guidance, you should pray for acceptance and understanding. We may need guidance on how to accept and understand this new situation we are facing, but we need to address our prayer as such. What about sickness, addiction, or financial struggles or freedom? These are all general prayers. The prayers should be dedicated! Pray that the cancer/tumor, virus will heal/ shrink or whatever you need to heal the specific illness. Pray that the desire of want/need of ‘said addition’ will subside. Pray for a specific financial burden to be lifted – maybe to payoff a car or mortgage. Stay focused and pray continually. Be consistent and pray the dedicated prayer constantly. He will hear you and He will help you – If you Believe!

As I start this – I want to express my emotions, but they are all over the place these days! I’m mad; I’m sad; I’m angry; I’m frustrated, but yet I’m still grateful! I’m sure you all can basically understand my first negative emotions, but let me clarify my gratefulness- this year is the final year to have my child at home with me. Time was moving so quickly, I was devastated at the loss I felt of losing her to her own freedoms. A loss that every mother feels when their baby turns 18 and graduates! This year though God gave us a Hard pause – a few precious moments to spend quality time to reconnect before she ventured on to her future! I’m Angry because she is losing these last precious months with her friends, her classmates, her teachers and the chance to walk the halls one last time! I’m mad because she has to miss all the milestones we took for granted – Senior Prom, Grad Night, Senior awards and her school’s celebration Senior Walk! I’m frustrated because there is nothing I or anyone else can do to ease the pain for the Class of 2020! Their pain and their grief is real, but I see the resilience in their eyes and in their hearts – They know things could be much worse! They are wise beyond their years; they suffer this loss with grace and confidence that hasn’t been witnessed in generations before! My teen who cries over her loss reminds herself, these are just things – there is so much more to be grateful for! In a time when nothing is more certain than change – Love is the most valuable commodity. We are All learning a valuable lesson of love. We have found a new appreciation of love for ourselves and love for our neighbors! These children have found a Love for themselves; love for their friends; love for a life they miss! In the very near future, I see them spending more time with others and less time on their ‘gadgets’. They have a new found appreciation for human connection – for love! This pandemic will end just as the one faced in 1918 (the Spanish flu), but hopefully we will all come out the other side a little wiser, a little stronger, and more resilient than ever before!

A time to rejoice for our savior. A king who came to die for you and I. He bore a burden he did not create or deserve. Our sins created turmoil that the Father could not stand – He chose to Send His son (Our Savior) to heal the broken and the wounded. Then He chose to take Him back! Our failures He would face with grace and anguish. A short time He would be here to try and save the lost. Do not forget His sacrifice and His Pain. For many forget the burden was not just the crucifixion, but the knowledge of such. He knew of the suffering He would endure and cried out to God for help. How much He must have suffered in knowing the day would come. A friend would betray Him and He would be killed for the pleasure of the people. What a Father He had in God, who could not offer relief of His burden, the Cross He had to bear, but a Father who gave Him comfort for His soul in His time of sorrow. Having been born a human child – He knew emotional and physical pain. A burden we all endure. Most are not accustomed to knowing what is coming or how it will affect you, but this is a burden He and I share. Sometimes knowing is scarier than the actual event; the anticipation can overwhelm the soul. Countless nights of prayer and sorrow for relief you know will not come. Though comfort during these times is All we need to suffer with Grace. God never promised us a worry free or non-fearful life – He promised us grace to overcome the burdens we face. We are in the midst of a huge burden, but Nothing can compare to the burden of the Son of God. Remember His sacrifice for your freedoms and God’s grace for each of us through this!

Spiritual maturity isn’t much different than aging maturity. As every infant is born naive, all Christians are born in Christ naively. Spiritual maturity is a progressive development – just as an infant grows into a child, then a teen, then a young adult until finally they reach a much more mature age. With each year the child gains knowledge and wisdom through the trials of life. This works the same way as Christianity. With each year, we can grow and mature. However, this is a different type of maturity; so it doesn’t just come with age – it forms through practice, through a study of the Word! We can’t expect to grow into spiritual maturity, if we do not practice spirituality. The first act of maturity is taking the first step towards it. God doesn’t call us to more than we are. He calls upon the weak and vulnerable- He provides the strength and comfort you need. He just asks that you take the initiative to come to Him, to try and get to know Him. We are all born of the water (our first birth) then He calls His children to be born of the spirit. That is when the Holy Spirit comes to inhabit your soul. This cannot be done without Spiritual maturity! Your mind and heart must align to create a pureness of the soul to create a mature housing unit for the spirit to reside. God waits for you to act first. Don’t wait to feel powerful or confident- Move ahead in your weakness. Do this despite your fears or feelings. Immaturity can’t mature without trials and testing! Christians grow to different levels of maturity. God will not give us more than our spiritual maturity level will allow us to properly handle. We must understand that God addressed this in the Bible. (Mark 4) In reference to spiritual maturity – Be mindful of where your mind goes, as the soul will follow. Our minds affect our mouths and our mouths affect our minds. Thoughts are powerful and will control your ability to mature, either in flesh or spirit!

Let me tell you a secret. God’s unfailing Love will find you in the deepest valley. You can never run- You can never hide- Nothing you can do will make Him turn away. You can fight – You can resist, but He’ll keep trying to reach you. I had a wonderful conversation recently with the mom of an addict. She is trying to find a way to help her child. As I began to talk with her about my experience and how God saved me, she said in her quest for help she had spoken to a Pastor’s child who too was in the throws of addiction. No matter how much she called out to God; she couldn’t break the addiction. She told me Not to doubt my own strength in my recovery. I have always given God the Glory, but she made me stop and think. She was Right – my own strength and determination had a huge part in my recovery and continued sobriety. I choose to give God the Glory, but I recognize now, I chose my path. The heartbreak and pain I lived with for so long- left me questioning God’s existence and love. I chose the path of addiction and suppression, but I also chose to set my heart on recovery. I made the decision to ask for help – consciously and consistently – begging God to take the desire from my heart. Yes, that took great strength of my inner Will. I believe God found me in my darkest moment – in the deepest valley and He stayed with me. I believe He gave me strength when I couldn’t find my own – I believe He guided my prayers when I couldn’t find the words. There is No secret to His Love. The secret is Believing! God’s unfailing Love can save you, if you believe He can! I believe I saw Jesus descend from Heaven. I believe God saved me from imminent death from deliberately overdosing. I believe God gave me the premonition of my daughter and her birth year to guide me! I believe there is No valley too deep and No mountain too high for God! I believe My Truth can Help save you! My belief is My Truth!

Today I want to talk about You! Where are you in all of this? This pandemic has affected us All, but we are All in a different phase. So many have lost their jobs, where others are faced with the grim reality that we have to work in the midst of the possible infection zone! Those quarantined wish they could get out – Those that have to work wish they could be home! We are All facing this our own way, but I know the one True God can give you comfort in the middle of this tragedy!
As this emergency eventually turns into a state of persistent vigilance, we will be on the brink of a new horizon. How do you want your new horizon to look? Do you want to come out of this the same as you were or Better? Matthew Continetti of the American Enterprise Institute, says, ‘what happens next will represent a true paradigm shift, one in which a society long driven by the pursuit of happiness at all costs may have to rearrange its social and moral priorities!’ I say, ‘Well hallelujah!’
The moral principals of this world have shifted so drastically, we need a reawakening! We need to turn back to God, to accept Him for who He is – Not what we want Him to be!
God is crying out for You! He says- How can you Not see? I’ve sent my messengers time and time again. You call out for Me – You cry for Help, but yet You do Not see- You do Not listen – You do Not repent. WHY?? I want to Help, but I Need You to see – Not with your eyes, but with your Heart! The Holy Spirit awaits You! You must act first – take your first step toward faith. He will Hear You; He will See You!
A new horizon is on the brink, what side do you want to be on? The past – plagued by turmoil or a future – full of hope?