HOPE

Sometimes I just have to write. I often find I can overcome a lot of my anxieties when I just get my thoughts out. Here lately I have a lot of thoughts. Not good or bad, just unending thoughts. I do not like to share too much of my life – judgements!! You know what I mean. This is going to ramble more than any other post I’ve written. There is no script for this, no research, no bible verses – just pure truth. Some hard emotional truths that I’ve had to recognize and overcome.

I recently learned I have multiple auto immune diseases. Not just a new diagnosis but several New diagnoses that are Incurable! Treatable, but never ending. You all know I’m a firm believer of God being the supreme being and all healing, miracle worker. But – BUT… What do you do when God says ‘You don’t get Healing. You get Grace and Love?’ Well, you, CRY! Once you have the relationship like I do with the Father, you don’t try to negotiate or pled, You start trying to ‘learn to live’ this New life. One I promise NO one would choose or wish on someone else.

Pain has been a very intracule part of my life for more time than I can recollect. Both physical and emotional pain. I have been privy to abuse, domestic violence, trauma, mental illness and addiction. My life has not been easy or comfortable, but when you finally accept where you are, who you are and who you are or can be in Christ – Things change. This does, however, require a change in your mind-set as well. I would not be who I am or where I am in this life, if it was not for me choosing a life in Christ. My most painful days come with a side of Hope. A hope and peace that everyone is offered through a life in Christ. I have been asked on more than one occasion ‘how I’m handling everything so well?’ My simple answer is by the ‘Grace of God!’ I could NOT do this in my own strength or my own mindset. I have to rely on God to pull me through the hard days and there are Alot of hard days.

One thing I know for sure is even when God chooses to allow it, then it is for GOOD. Maybe Not my Good, but GOOD for HIS Kingdom and that is Good enough for me.